A whisper in the wind
brought me back to your touch
love turned to longing
at the stop sign of space
I am hurting through the split
reading the art of your control
and concealing
expressed through silence
I water in tears
knowing my messages
to be discarded
in a silent need for space
congealing into full
hurt
reading the messagers
of separation
so contrasting
how you once
cherished when I expressed
the contrast
I deeply hurt in
envelopes unread
signals forgotten
and distant divergence
hurting in
withdrawn messages
as I see you
draw near toward yourself
A you without me
I am tapping the sigil
that I once ignored
how my sensitivity
can cripple
yet also behold
behold the pain
as I touch inside
my fragrant intensity
of feeling
I pulls out of your orbit
feeling the gravity of loss
in the imbalance of the relationship
only in the undertow
of our waving Goodbye
pouring my pain
as a compassion
I remember that:
though we may not speak,
my tears sparkle the joys
of a rainbow of rememberence
after the storm
and how rich and ripe
sorrow is
in the closing
door of possibility
in the breaking down
of what was
I am this
a motherly cry
hearing a deep longing
for decomposition,
opening, and
reconnection
I explore who I am
reclaiming a presence
with and without
you,
holding you in my heart
feeling my hurt
in this balancing
act
of space and separation
knowing all that is near
has been left already opened
and all that I keep dear
is not to be discarded
sailing an ocean
of waving processing
I, sea saline,
befriend the fishiness
that feelings
grief,
mourning, and
rage
are things
to "get over"
a wave to battle
so I enter a swimming
in this wake
of the other side of love
hurt expressing
my caring
in mourning
and feeling
that the ire
of my heart's fire
burns a
heart ache, heart break
not to be repaired
but pottered
centered
I miss you and
your clay kilned creations
your crochet hooked relations
your meals of hyper fixation
melting smiles that always made me cheese
and stubbornhearted silliness
that enchanted me in
anticipation
anticipation in which I could
somehow
read your every page
knowing I could somehow
find myself there
witnessing your everything
in every strewn chapter
I shake and shudder
in knowing I may
never speak with you
once again
as the chatter of my soul
only speaks about you
in the frigid glacier
of frozen space
so cold
in constrast
to the sensitivity
you once beared
and the presence
you once shared
that shared presence
I will guardian
in breathing
uncentering
who I once was
in this missing-ness
as I reclaim
who I am
in the absence
of you
I can hear my breathing
still I hold you
in my heart
still I hold you
still I hold you